fear and ego – a new approach

I’ve been thinking about this blog recently.

I first posted to this blog in November 2010.  My first foray into the realms of blogging, however, was much earlier than that.  My first bog post ever was published on 7th December 2005., which I guess makes me somewhat of an early adopter.  Incidentally, my first blog is still living on the inter-webs and makes for some terribly cringeworthy reading at times, at other times it displays a sense of bravery that I once had and perhaps have lost.  (The more curious amongst you, I’m sure would be able to uncover it with some detective work – the less curious will simply find it with some patience by working through my ‘blogroll’ on the right).  Originally this blog was started as a way to chronicle my MA work and research assistantships at the University of Birmingham.  It also covered some other ‘general interest’ topics.

However, over time, it petered out.  I lost momentum.  Not for writing.  I write every single day.  It might not be a blog post but as someone heavily involved in the world of ‘research’ writing is almost a second nature to me.  However, over time I’ve become more cautious.  I’m not sure I mean that in a good way either.  I subscribe to 150+ blogs and read them with varying levels of interest.  Some, I never miss a post.  Some, I wish would blog more.  Some, I wish would blog less.  Some, I follow because they have the occasional golden nugget buried amongst the mounds of nonsense.  I read those blogs and I almost always think, ‘I have a blog’ and for the most part, it ends there.  I enjoyed blogging in the beginning.  It was a great way of hashing out an idea, of putting yourself out there, of developing an idea about which you are uncertain.  But, over time fear took over. Or, perhaps it was ego.

I have 21 drafts sitting in my ‘blog posts’ folder at the moment.  Some finished and never published.  Some extremely relevant and timely when I began them, but have since descended into obscurity.  Either way – I was writing but not publishing.  I have realised why – I was afraid in some senses.  Afraid of being wrong, afraid that someone might disagree.  I was worried about my own persona and ego.  However, recently I have reevaluated why I would blog, why I blogged in the beginning and why I might continue to blog.  Mostly, it was for me.  Sure, it’s great to have readers and commenters – and that’s why I write publicly and not anonymously in a notebook or journal.  I am no longer going to let posts fester in the ‘draft bin’.  I am going to write and press ‘publish’.  I know that at times I’ll be wrong, at times I’ll regret it and at times it won’t feel comfortable but I will press publish.

I’m not making a commitment to when I will blog or how frequently I will blog.  But I will when I feel like I have something to say.  I’m also not making any commitment to accuracy or editing.  Some posts will be more polished and well researched.  Others will have spelling, grammer and syntax mistakes that would make even me cringe.  But, hey!  That’s life!

I’d love it if you were able to stick around and share your thoughts here from time to time.

Here’s to courage.


4 thoughts on “fear and ego – a new approach

  1. dgmagee says:

    as someone who has just discovered your blog jonny, i would urge you to keep hitting publish. some great stuff here.

  2. Alex Pryce says:

    Our blog histories quite closely correlate! I was also an early adopter, also in 2005 (through to 2007). Thankfully those posts were under a pseud so are relatively untraceable!

    I started MBP in June 2010 to blog about writing my MA dissertation. I’m less ashamed of those posts (although still a bit!)

    I’ve missed your posts, Jonny. You might notice that I’ve also been a bit lax lately. Unfortunately – I didn’t even get to the drafts in the ‘new posts’ folder stage – every time I considered writing a blog I was either too busy (or if I’m honest – too scared) to blog.

    I’ve renewed my commitment to my blog. I hope you’ll do the same!

  3. shafiqsumon says:

    Hola señor
    He encantado de ver su sitio web,que ha aumentado mi idea acerca de usted y de su sitio web.Creo que va a ser útil para mí en los días futuros.
    gracias y la invitación a ver a mi página web.

    Hola a todos,
    tener cuidado con la piel del bebé
    y el bebé abajo
    es un Ceram para después pañales.
    conocer más detalles se puede visitar el sitio: http://www.wickelspray.com/


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